I had a bizarre snooze dream this morning. My spouse woke me up with coffee in bed this morning, I fell asleep again and had a fast flash dream. It was a pair of fists, you know how people tattoo “LOVE HATE” on their hands? Well these fists had “SWAN MEAT” tattooed on their fingers. No clue what that means, but it gave me a chuckle to start my day with.
It’s Those Little Things
It’s those little things that get you. like the bag of treats you forgot to toss/donate. That one article of clothing that you would roll and roll and could never get all the fur off, no matter how hard you tried. Not having to wake up early, or rush home. That new freedom, you don’t want. How you regret not taking her collar. The empty spot on the floor where her bed used to be. These things still sting.
Where is she? Is she happy? Has all the knowledge of the universe been bestowed on her? Has she ceased to exist? Is she someone’s new baby, with a concerning obsession for chewing shoes? These questions sometimes keep you from sleeping, or occur randomly throughout the day, like when you’re making a sandwich.
When will you be able to talk about her without crying? When will you make it through the list of neighbours asking where she is? That yes, 15 was old for a big dog, yes she lived a good long life, yes it’s good she didn’t suffer.
One day you’ll be able to laugh at all the stupid things she used to do. How she swiped and ate an entire Christmas dinner off the counter, while you were outside saying goodbye to your family. How she kept you up all night because it gave her explosive diarrhea. That time she chewed apart every single pair of shoes you owned, and you had to go to the mall in January in flip flops. How she loved a water fountain on a hot day. If no one was around you’d let her go for it.
But you’ll never stop missing them.
4AM Thought
Do mountain goats get arthritis? Do they fall off the mountain if they do?
I Quit Drinking
I decided to quit alcohol today. No particular reason. I was having breakfast this morning and the idea popped into my head, and I rolled with it. I would say I drink about 4 alcoholic drinks per week, usually wine and mostly while I’m writing letters, or messing around online.
I was really into wine for years. I would make it at home, or have it made at the wine shops (depending on if I felt like cleaning up after myself or not. Making wine is MESSY). I loved trying new drinks at the LCBO. I enjoy it, but I’m ready for a lifestyle change, and booze is on my hit list.
I watched a Ted Talk with a guy talking about The 100% Rule and what he said made a lot of sense to me. I was considering only drinking at social, or special occasions and I really wanted to try a shot of gin before hiking (I’ve heard it’s an amazing bug repellent). This guy made a lot of sense to me. He’s all about jumping all the way in, or your failure rate increases. I would probably go back to my regular habits of drinking alcohol throughout the week, if I didn’t cut it out completely.
So I’m jumping all the way in, no more alcohol. I feel good about it.
Update: This lasted about two months.
Plants Plants Plants
I love plants. I dream of owning a huge greenhouse with a water feature. I would live in a greenhouse if I could. I don’t know how practical that is here in Canada, but I’d like to try. After all, they do have year round butterfly conservatories (yes I would for sure have butterflies in my greenhouse).
I wonder about having butterflies in a typical home. I think you could do it with swallow tails, you can feed them from food you can get all year in the grocery stores. How magical would that be? This year I raised painted ladies and monarchs and released them outdoors once they turned into butterflies (I still have two more monarchs in a chrysalis). I would love to try hummingbird moths too. They are so neat! Maybe one for the greenhouse.
My home is full of plants, indoor tropicals are irresistible to me. I love love love going to the plant nurseries and greenhouses in my area. I’m bringing the outdoors indoors and I think it’s great. Plants clean the air and soothe my soul. I love being surrounded by plants and living in an indoor garden. I wish I had more windowsills…
Think It And It Will Be.
Manifest Your Dreams…
Many of us have heard of The Law Of Attraction. I watched the movie years ago, was motivated to give it a go, and then forgot all about it. I’m not convinced that this will magically turn all my dreams into a reality, but I’m also not convinced that it wont.
When I think of money, I think of horrible, old men, in old fashioned lawyers wigs (you know, the curly, long white wigs, and no, I have no idea why), and maybe that’s part of the problem. With negative associations with money, possibly I’m subconsciously repelling it from me. How can I attract something into my life that I have an aversion to?
I’m working on this. Associating money with panicked feelings of lack, are only going to perpetuate more bad feelings towards it. Now when I think of money, I consciously think of it with gratitude and positivity. I think of all the good things it can do for me, instead of focusing on what it’s like to not have enough of it.
I have fairly decent sized debt I’m focusing on paying off and there’s this tiny little thing I really want (a houseboat!). My goal is to tackle the debt first, then save for the boat. I’ve been reading a lot of financial books and it’s helping keep me motivated. They all say to stop buying crap you don’t need (guilty, guilty, guilty). I’m fully aware I do this, but after a few months I fall back on bad habits. Hobbies are a huge problem for me. If I get interested in something I’ll buy a ton of stuff for said hobby and then a few months later I’ll be bored of it. I’m going to need to read financial books until the day I pay my debt off completely. I’m OK with that.
Instead of using stuff, I’m focusing on experiences and being in the moment, to make me happy. Acquiring things has only ever made me temporarily happy (and cluttered up my home). I look forward to being free of debt and enjoying living my best life.
Lobster Shorts 